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10 Sex Records that will just make you think: WTF?

So everyone likes to brag when they’re getting some, right? That’s totally normal… but today we’re not talking about normal. From long-distance spunk-ers to obsessional orgasmers, these guys are downright competitive about sex, and they’re breaking records that, quite frankly, we’re not sure should ever be broken.

Here’s a list of 10 #Sex Records that will just make you think: WTF?

Most sex in a day

Lisa Sparks, a pornography actress, broke the record for having sex with the most people in a day. That’s right, Lisa penciled in a (less than) 24-hour sex sesh in October 2004 that involved 919 fellas… she spent a good solid 94 seconds dedicated to each one.

Perhaps not the most romantic love-making sesh overall but you gotta admire the sheer stamina involved.

The furthest ejaculation

Many men worry most about premature ejaculation... but not Horst Schultz! Aim is the game for this trouper, as he holds the record for ejaculating the furthest distance.

Horst sent his semen flying a whopping 18ft and 9 inches away... that’s almost 6 metres, guys. Just think of the speed! We’re not sure we’d like to be on the receiving end of that one.

Longest orgasm

1966 was a fantastic year. England won the FIFA World Cup, The Beatles went on their last commercial tour around the US…  but most importantly, a woman had an orgasm that lasted 45 seconds. WTF. It reportedly involved 25 contractions.

Sounds more like giving birth than an orgasm to us! Obviously we know how to get ourselves going… but if this woman brought out a book of top tips, well, we’d be first in line for a signed copy. And then we’d insta it. #Orgasmgoals.

Most orgasms in an hour

At a 2009 Masturbate-a-thon in Denmark (yes, you read that right, a Masturbate-a-thon) there was a woman who managed to achieve a magnificent, and slightly frightening, 222 orgasms.

We’ve got a few questions on this one, like, doesn’t it get a bit tiring? Doesn’t it begin to hurt? Wasn’t she bored by the 200th time? But mostly just… HOW?!

Biggest orgy

The biggest orgy took place in Japan, where 250 couples (500 people) turned up to have a go at mass bonking. Sounds pretty wild, right?

Well, it took place in one bare, brightly lit room, on floor beds organized in neat rows, a big old camera recorded everything, and you were only allowed to have sex with the person you came with. Oh, and it was choreographed. Mmm… sexy?!

Strongest vagina

So this one’s difficult to imagine. Tatyana Kozhevnikova is a Russian gymnast with an enviable talent. She can lift 14kg weights... using her vagina!!

To give you some perspective, that’s as much as a toddler might weigh. An actual human being. Tatyana, you put the kegal in wtf. Keep at it, gurl!

Largest penis

A man called Jonah Falcon is reportedly hiding the world’s biggest shlong beneath his trousers. Although Jonah is a writer, talk show host and an actor, it’s his ding dong that has really shot him to fame.

Jonah’s penis is reportedly 13.5 inches when erect which is, like, longer than an average wine bottle, and apparently just as thick! He released a single with Adam Barta in 2013 called ‘It’s TOO Damn Big!’... and we’d probably have to agree with him on that one… though we would deffo be up for a sneaky peak!

Longest time spent masturbating

The afore-mentioned legendary Masturbate-a-thon (which raises money for sex-related causes and celebrates May as Masturbation Month) is all about weird and wonderful wanking, but even those competing know when enough is enough.

One woman in 2008 didn’t get the memo. She just kept on ‘flicking the bean’, as it were, for ages after everyone had finished and broke the records for the longest (probably most strenuous) strum ever! How long was she there for? 7 hours and 6 minutes. She probably missed the after party!

Biggest collection of penises

Ok so willies can be fun, sure. No one is denying that. But would your dedication to the D go so far as visiting a museum to browse through them?

The Phallological Museum in Reykjavik (Iceland) holds the record for the biggest collection of penises, with 282 specimens from 93 species on show to stare at. Sound creepy? That’s cos it is! There are even human ones... we like our willies with a body attached, thanks v much!

Women with the most children

Valentina Vassilyeva was a baby-making machine who lived in the 18th century. She was also a normal peasant woman in her spare time but, like, seriously… she did nothing else. So how many babies did she bring into the world? SIXTY-NINE (dat weekly shop, though).

It may seem impossible at first, but not when you add 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triples and 4 sets of quadruplets. OUCH. Was someone telling porkies? Perhaps, but it’s recorded by an official Monastry and everything. Gurl, you need a hobby… or a condom.

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